I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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