DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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