Someone shit on the floor
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
