Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
