i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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