John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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