these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
