you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
