she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
