I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
