The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
