Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
