i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
