This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think i have herpe
just one?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
