All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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