Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
