Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
