between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
