So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
