i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
