i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
