Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cut my penus on the lid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
