the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
