Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
