I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
