Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
