Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
