I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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