I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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