the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
