i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
