Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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