I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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