Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
