is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize