The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My penis needs a shock collar
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
