I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
