If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
