so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
