better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
