so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
