i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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