if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
