Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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