dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
