u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
