He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
