Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
