I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my poor anus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
