Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
