fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize