I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
