When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
