it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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