Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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