im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
