He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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