You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
