you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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