I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
