Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
