You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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