who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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