I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
