Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
