I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
