Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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