I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
