Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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