There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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