Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
